Doormat, Control Freak, Team Player

Seems to me most of us have all 3 of these inside of us depending on the issue, situation, person or people, or risks involved.

Doormats tend toward timidity, freak out at conflict to the extent they tend to kowtow to whomever over most anything. That’s a recipe for being abused and discarded like you’re without value or worth respect and dignity. Jesus didn’t die for worthless people and in that scripture says (Hebrews) He “died once for all” you apparently are of great value regardless of any other trait you do or do not bring to the table. Doormats have few genuine friends or don’t believe they have them due to their own horrible self-judgment, that is, they often don’t believe themselves worthy of friendship.

Control freaks of course must win, have the upper hand, get their way in most if not all matters and tend to also micro-manage people and events as much as possible toward that outcome. Suspicious of all but themselves they may smile and offer “treats” to curry favor but in the end it’s their way or the highway.

Team players do not tend toward either of these two extremes but have learned to “play well with friends” and the more mature of them even with possible/literal “enemies”. They tend to be peace-makers but do not simply smile, hush and “take it” when bullied nor are they hair-trigger assassins when dealing with people in authority regarding disagreement.

Team players learn and apply the arts of grace, patience, self-control and even love for both hurting wallflowers as well as truly abrasive big shots. They understand and focus on “us” rather than “me” or “vs. them” as core values in relationships. To truly move together in positive collaboration toward shared goals and healthy outcomes is their desire and great gift to any tribe.

Through my lifetime I’ve lived and served with folks who exhibit a strong lean to all three of these approaches to living and doing things together.

At home and travelling the world I’ve witnessed plenty of division, church and other tribal splits and blood spilled due to them. Until we learn to love God supremely and genuinely “love our neighbor as our self” we will continue to either be needless curators of conflict or slink off in self-pity and despair rather than showing up when it’s time to get on the field and work as a healthy team can. It’s either that or there’s no real team, is there?

Things to consider as we journey along in life.

As always, thanks for stopping by. -Glenn

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